4-17-06 ~ 4-18-06 : Blog ~ The World is.... how you see it.

I am back from Turkey. Physically, I’ve been back for a week & a half. I didn’t really get back until yesterday. And it is spring. I spent a good part of Easter Sunday driving. I was in New York, and after brunch with my sister & a friend, headed out towards home. Shpongle kept me company on the traffic-laden drive through manhattan and the Lincoln Tunnel to the Turnpike. It was a vibrant spring day. The drive away from Manhattan was punctuated by sweet music and a science fiction landscape. The future is now. Highway and Industry have a way of highlighting this perspective, especially when in a certain frame of mind. Your own thinking perspective brings focus to it all, in this sparkly, shiny, happy way. And I realize, The world is... how you see it. Turkey, well, maybe I’ll never quite come back from there. Epiphany may not be a strong enough word to express the impact of this trip. Although Turkey & the Eclipse may just be symbols of something that goes deeper, and has been building.... I am a non-smoker. It has been 48 days since I’ve had any tobacco. After so many years of choking myself, I’m not sure my body knows what to do with all this air. And it is still hard. But not all the time. And it is all part of redefining myself. The turnpike traffic was Easter traffic. It is spring. People were traveling to visit family, the sun was shinning, the air was warm with just a bit of a cool breeze. The rest stops were packed. The gas lines were long, really long.... what does that say? For me it was just a bathroom break. Instead of awful muzak, they were playing Supertramp. Oldie but goodie. Damn, when did supertramp become an “oldie”. And I will have to remember to get "Breakfast in America". Awesome for a sunny sunday. And I’m driving again, and although there is traffic, for some reason it isn’t the annoying kind. People are dealing. I’ve got the roof open, its beautiful late afternoon spring sunny, and it is now the sweet sounds of kaya project that ease me along. And I’m thinking about a magical saturday afternoon in the north crook that I envision for the future. I am empowered by the thought that I can change things, and make the future how I want it to be, I just have to dare to dream a dream that big. I have to continue on my path of learning how to breathe. How ever hard it may be. In becoming a “spiritual” person, I have somehow become appropriate of being tagged “new age”. Not a moniker I was looking for, feels sort of hokey. My spirituality is based on a belief in the interconnectedness of people, living things, the earth, the universe. There are a million ways this can manifest. There are so many examples of it. Can all of those ways fall under the banner of “new age”? I think not, its too ancient for that. My metaphysical path, my philosophy, my own-personal-meme* isn’t one I like to put into a tangible definition. In a conventional world is it “religion”? I certainly find the term “faith” preferable. But neither really does it justice. Maybe “core belief”... or maybe just core. (core, n. the choicest or most essential or most vital part of some idea or experience; the basic or most important part; the essence.) I have eschewed the standard label of religion; in its place is my core. I have now come to a crossroads. In doing so, I have recognized the change I need to make. I’m gathering my strength, and I’ll need it, to continue on the path I choose. Stating this to the universe is my first step in the process. I don’t expect this to be easy. And I’m fairly scared shitless at the whole prospect. But the ultimate realization comes down to this... The world is... how I see it. How big do I dare dream? *new word for the day: meme. and oh my, what a word it is. First presented (or maybe just noticed) through my friends from colorado. A week later, it came up again in a book my dear friend Inna gave me, “Ecstasy Club”. As a word that lacked definition before 1976, it is amazingly powerful. (and i’m thinking that the comprehensive, the metameme = choose bliss.... or at least it should be. our own personal memes are really just our own personal versions of bliss... or at least should be. How ‘bout that?)